9.13.2004

fate

i'm actually pretty into fate. but maybe i have a bit of a different idea of what fate is. fate probably isnt the right word. but i'll use it anyways cause its easier.

P. says "its like believing that you have no role in your own life." but i think fate kinda gives you more control over your own life, while accepting there are things that you can't control. i don't think fate controls you and MAKES you follow a set path. i think we are in control of most of our life. the choices we make are based upon how we've built up our past, not our pre-written futures. but fate is sorta what makes it possible for us to have a say in the bigger parts of our life that we can't control. i guess i think of fate as more of signs and options rather than concrete paths. like for the most part we go about without dealing with fate. but sometimes fate will bring special opportunities and choices that you never could have gotten on your own. ie. you had no control over the fact that some cute stranger happened to walk into the cafe your at. maybe due to some lack of seating you two end up sitting at tables right next to each other. but from that point on you can choose your own adventure.

"if you never meet someone because you didnt go over there and talk to her, it wasnt fate intervening on your life.  plain and simple, its because you fucked up." this i have to agree with cause i dont think fate intervenes. it doesn't come in and stop you from making a choice. but say you do take action and do all that you can, till you can do no more. i think after that it's up to fate. (i dont know if im making any sense. i dont really want to make fate sound like god or something.) maybe chance is a better word. or luck. maybe i don't really believe in fate, but have faith in luck? are they really that different? what if your life is continuously fortunate or unfortunate? is that still just luck?

maybe it's the fact that i was fortunate enough to be born into a good family and have been consistanly lucky through out my life that i think the choices ive had were not pure chance. but what i chose to do when presented with choices were totally mine.but then again, how we choose is based on our personalities and the past that has helped to shape us. so the now determines the later and we are writing our own destiy. but what about the very begining? like when we're born and have nothing to build upon.

this is where astrology type stuff comes in. i dont believe in horoscopes, but i think profiles of the different zodiac signs really do fit people. i mean, my basic personality is definately a typical gemini. so i guess i believe we also get a little starter pack when we're born too. something to build on.

erg. it's getting late and im tired. i dont know what im talking about anymore (not that i did to start)..

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