i don't love anyone

"I don't love anyone/ And you're not listening/ You're playing with something/ You're playing with yourself/ I don't love anyone/ You're not listening even now/ You're playing with something/ You're playing with someone else/ And if there's one thing that I learned when I was still a child/ It's to take a hiding, yeah/ I don't love anything/ Not even Christmas/ Especially not that/ I don't love anything/ And I don't love anyone/ Well maybe my sister/ And maybe my baby brother too, yeah/ I don't love anyone/ If there's one thing that I learned when I was still a child/ It's to take a hiding/ If there's one thing that I learned when I was still a child/ It's to be alone/ Out in the street today/ The kids are playing, having fun/ I pass them by I'm not a kid, no/ I don't love anyone/ I met a man today/ He told me something pretty strange/There's always somebody saying something/He said, "the world is as soft as lace."/ But I don't love anyone/ I don't love anyone/ I don't love anyone/I don't love anyone/ If there's one thing that I learned when I was still a child/ It's to take a hiding" -Belle & Sebastian

"To experience deep affection or intense desire for another." Maybe because I don't believe in it. Or maybe because I don't really know what it's like. Or maybe I'm looking for it in all the wrong places. I don't know what my problem is... but I just don't feel that strongly about anyone. I mean, I love my family because they're my family and they support me and everything. But outside of the family i just don't get that. Even with my friends. The people I'm around are interesting and unique and fun and all that..but I never really feel it. I don't know really. I think it goes back to my thing about lacking passion.. Maybe I'm just becoming apatheic. I guess things just don't really inherently mean anything to me. Or it feels like when I do things that "should" mean something, they really don't. and i don't know why i even do them. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don't agree with following a socialized script or something. I always thought I didn't need one. But i think it's already sort of internalized, so even when I want to make my own choices the script is there still telling me what i should and shouldn't do. I'm not sure what I'm rambling about right now. I'm just hungry and confused and feeling very lonely. But the kind of lonely that can't be fixed just by having company.